i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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