People with herpes should wear stickers.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
