You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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