Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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