I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
