so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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