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i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
