i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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