I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
