oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
