we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
