You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize