i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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