now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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