nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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