Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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