Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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