so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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