this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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