I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
