I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
