The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
