guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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