My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
