So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize