I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
