batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
