Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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