I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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