You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
