So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
