It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
