The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're a waste of cheezeits
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
