Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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