I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
