I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize