Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
