He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
