just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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