Duck Duck Cougar?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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