you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
