I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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