My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
