It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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