imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
