i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
