Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
