He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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