video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize