All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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