Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
