I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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