at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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