Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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