I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
