Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
