hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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