I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
