there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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