I skipped work to stalk him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
