hotel room ftw
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
