Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
