so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
