fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
