he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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