I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
