ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
