she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
