ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
