i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
