If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
