Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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