she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
be right there i have to get my cape
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
