dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
