At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A bitchslap is in order.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
