uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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