im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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